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bmarrow.jpg (779 bytes) What is being a mom - between moms....

What is being a mom - really?


Long term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

Must provide on-the-site training in basic life skills, such as nose blowing. Must have strong skills in negotiating, conflict resolution and crisis management. Ability to suture flesh wounds a plus. Must be able to think out of the box but not lose track of the box, because you most likely will need it for a school project. Must reconcile petty cash disbursements and be proficient in managing budgets and resources fairly, unless you want to hear, "He got more than me!" for the rest of your life.

Also, must be able to drive motor vehicles safely under loud and adverse conditions while simultaneously practicing above mentioned skills in conflict resolution. Must be able to choose your battles and stick to your guns. Must be able to withstand criticism, such as "You don't know anything." Must be willing to be hated at least temporarily, until someone needs $5 to go skating. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.

Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.  Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices.

Also, must have a highly energetic entrepreneurial spirit, because fund-raiser will be your middle name. Must have a diverse knowledge base, so as to answer questions such as "What makes the wind move?" or "Why can't they just go in and shoot Sadam Hussein?" on the fly. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.


bmarrow.jpg (779 bytes)Things you might find amusing as a mom....
  • As soon as you pass the last rest-stop for the next 90 miles, someone will need to stop.
  • At birthday parties, parents are usually early to drop off their kids, and late to pick them up.
  • The child you are currently dealing with is always treated more unfairly than his siblings.
  • The child you are currently dealing with is always required to do more work than his siblings.
  • You no longer have to lock up your favorite candy stash. Just put it on the stairs under the folded laundry and no one will touch it.
  • If a kid suddenly offers to do dishes or clean the house, it is either for money or credit for a school project.
  • I don't have to use a road map-- I can just use the veins on my legs.
  • If I had to choose one voice in the world to have instead of my own, it would be Daddy's.
  • Your teens get more enjoyment out of watching you cry at the sad parts of the video than they do in watching the video.
  • Hearing your three teens singing their way through the hymnbook "just for fun" is more gratifying than any CD you will ever buy.
  • "An object at rest tends to stay at rest" is a law written to describe the contents of your child's bedroom.
  • "An object in motion tends to stay in motion" is a law written by a parent with toddlers.
  • I've learned to quickly tell the difference between a good disposable diaper and a bad one.
  • If you say, "It looks like I'll get to bed early tonight," you won't.
  • A child's thank-you letter takes 25 times as long to formulate as a Christmas/birthday wish list.
  • There is no use crying over spilled baby cereal on a wicker chair.
  • The people that know best how you should be raising your kids are never free to baby-sit.
  • An Emmy is never more deserved than by a child just asked to clean her room.
  • Fridges were designed because children needed a cardboard box big enough to make a slide or playhouse.
  • Every parent possesses many valuable pieces of artwork that didn't cost them a thing.
  • Your child driving at 50 miles an hour is suddenly much faster than when you drive at 50 miles an hour.
  • When you help your children with their math homework, you suddenly realize how little you learned in math.
  • The bags under your eyes do not disappear until at least three years after the birth of your last child.
  • Mothers alone hold the secret recipe for refilling ice-cube trays.

bmarrow.jpg (779 bytes)Somebody Said.....


- - - - -SOMEBODY SAID- - - - -


Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby . . somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, normal is history.


Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct . . .
somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.


Somebody said being a mother is boring . . .

somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.


Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out good" ...

somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a  guarantee.


Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices . . .
somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen  window.


Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother . . .
somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.


Somebody said you can't love the fifth child as much as you love the first. . . somebody doesn't have five children.


Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books. . . somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery...

somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten . . or on a plane headed for military "boot camp"


Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back . .

somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.


Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married...

somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.


Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home...

somebody never had grandchildren.


Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her . . .

somebody isn't a mother.


Author Unknown 

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